Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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