Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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