btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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