my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When did angry sex become our thing?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
