Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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