dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize