How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
my poor anus
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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