haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
