I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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