I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
