I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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