Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
