i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We are all done wearing pants today
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