Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
This is the high leading the old right now
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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