i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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