I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
