I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I made him laugh his dick is mine
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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