I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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