So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
