He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
