I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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