I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
