maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
