mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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