Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
