I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
