why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
