so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
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She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
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Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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