SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Boobs speak an international language.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize