He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
