3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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