woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
