Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
