Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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