Midget sex pt 2 tonight
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
