No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
