My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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