You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
