you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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