Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
