If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
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Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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