I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
