I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
