porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
