I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
