Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
