All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
