Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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