my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
should my penis look like a turkey
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
