she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
