she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
