i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
