I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
