i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
