did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
