Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
