I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Randomize
