FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I will pee on everything he values.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
