I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Life is so much better after having sex.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
