he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
