all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
