it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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