Only a mothe r could love this liver
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
