I think my vagina is haunted
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
