Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
