He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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