I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
