My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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