You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
