I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
