I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
