bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
