Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize