My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
