I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
