onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
