She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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