so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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