If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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