moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
