so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's never too late to be topless.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
