i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
