There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she told me i tasted like america
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
