So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I feel great
I just peed on a car
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
