i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Randomize
