By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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