he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
