i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
