I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
