i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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