i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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