She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
