Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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