Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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