I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
