Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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